With the New York Film Festival in full swing, the Telluride and Toronto Film Festivals just behind us, and Chicago’s very own version set to debut in October, we’re drawing nigh to the wide release of some very highly-praised movies. I must single out three of the most buzzed-about films and performances.
The first is The Imitation Game. Opening on November 21, Benedict Cumberbatch- my heartthrob- has given a tour de force performance as Enigma Code breaker, Alan Turing. BC is probably the front-runner sure to be nominated in the Oscar’s “Best Actor” category.
A fellow Brit, Eddie Redmayne, has also garnered tons of praise as a young Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything. It opens November 7. Take a gander here.
And hooray for the USA! Here’s our very own Michael Keaton in Birdman. His star turn as a former action star making a theatrical comeback has also won lots of early applause. It opens October 17. Here’s the trailer.
All three of these guys have given brilliant performances and I can’t wait to see them in (lights, camera) action. There is going to be a real horse race come Academy Awards night next year.
But I must admit my taste is not always so hoity-toity. Sometimes I find myself longing for Hollywood’s golden era when movie stars just “had faces,” and movies were artistically low rent and unashamedly trashy.
Call me low-brow, but Jean Negulesco, director of such wonderful nonsense as Three Coins in the Fountain and How To Marry a Millionaire, gave me as much cinematic pleasure as Martin Scorsese ever did.
Unfortunately, the Academy does not share my taste and thus, many of my favorite movies were never given quite the credit that I think they deserve.
So now I’ve founded my very own Ellen Ross Trashy Movie Awards. Here are my selections.
My first category is: Really Bad Movie Soap Operas. The nominees are:
Light in The Piazza (1962) Peyton Place (1957) A Summer Place (1950) Parrish (1961) and Susan Slade (1961).
(Troy Donahue- starring in three of them- should get a special mention here. He also made it into The Godfather II using his real name for a character name. A very unusual honor, btw.)
May I have the envelope, please?
And the winner is: The Best of Everything (1959).
This movie had the worst of everything. Joan Crawford with power suits and nostrils flaring. Louis Jourdan hopelessly miscast as a ruthless Broadway producer, Brian Aherne looking weary and dissipated, Diane Baker (love her) out-of-wedlock pregnant and being thrown out of Robert Evans’ sports car.
And who could ever forget super model Suzy Parker- driven to jealous distraction- hysterically rummaging through Louis’s garbage? That was just great.
Speaking of Monsieur Jourdan, that brings us to our next category. Worst Fake Foreign Accent.
The nominees are: Tom Cruise in Far and Away (1993) Kevin Costner in Robin Hood; Prince of Thieves (1993) Spencer Tracy in Captains Courageous (1937) and in a stunning double nomination (Eat your heart out, Emma Thompson) George Hamilton for Light in the Piazza (1962) and Love at First Bite (1979).
But the winner is Michelle Pfeiffer in The Age of Innocence (1993). (And it’s supposed to be her native tongue.)
Whose idea of joke casting was this? The elegant Countess Ellen Olenska played by the consummate Valley Girl?
Fer sure. NOT.
Pfeiffer was gorgeous, true, but she did not have the moves, the mannerisms or the correct accent to pull this role off. All she was missing was the chewing gum. Even Daniel Day-Lewis couldn’t save her from herself.
Our next Trashy Award category is: Way Too Old For The Role.
The nominees are James Stewart in The Spirit of St. Louis (1957) Humphrey Bogart in Sabrina (1954) Fred Astaire in Daddy Long Legs (1955) and Gary Cooper in two movies, Pride of the Yankees (1942) and Love In The Afternoon (1957).
But the winner is Lucille Ball in Yours, Mine and Ours (1968). She and Henry Fonda were depicted as parents of a huge, blended family. And then, she actually had a baby in the film. She was born in 1911. You do the math.
The next category is Non Billy Wilder Movies That Made Me Really Laugh. The list is endless, and I have to give a special shout out to films like Tropic Thunder, The Hangover and Dodgeball.
But the nominees are:
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) The Money Pit (1986) Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation (1962) It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, World (1963) and Analyze This (1999).
But the winner is: Caddyshack (1980).
Bill Murray is demented, Ted Knight is perfectly pompous, and whenever Rodney Dangerfield opens his mouth, I fall down.
There is a special award given to Best Hair in A Movie-Female. The nominees are: Kim Basinger in Batman (1989) Ali McGraw in Love Story (1970) Rita Hayworth in Gilda (1946) and Marilyn Monroe in Some Like It Hot (1959).
But the winner is Julie Christie- in EVERYTHING. From Darling (1965) to Petulia (1968) to Troy, (2004) Miss Julie reigns.
And for Best Hair- Male? Only one winner- Cary Grant. No contest. Lifetime achievement award.
Our final award category today is Everything I learned About World War II, I Learned From This Movie.
The nominees are: Halls of Montezuma (1951) Kelly’s Hero’s (1970) Destination Gobi (1953) Operation Petticoat (1959) The Dirty Dozen (1967) and Mr. Roberts (1955).
And the winner is Destination Tokyo (1943). This movie is packed with raw recruits, wise-cracking enlisted men, heroic deeds, heart-wrenching deaths and Cary Grant. All on a submarine. Kick Das Boot to the curb and watch John Garfield.
Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. The First Annual Trashies. We’re taking nominations for next year’s awards, so be sure and cast your ballots.
And I’d like to thank Mr. Negulesco, Jerry Wald, Douglas Sirk, Ross Hunter, Guy Green, Robert Aldrich and Delmer Daves.
No one makes ’em like they did.
Hooray for (old) Hollywood.
Bonjour from Montreal, Ellen. Thoroughly enjoyed your post, which has set new highs (or lows?) in film scholarship. You should make a special category for “Ninotchka” — see 1-Across in Patrick Berry’s Friday New York Times crossword puzzle: “Ninotchka” setting (5 letters). When I saw that, it made me laugh almost as much as just about anything you’ve ever written.
Ca va, George? Yes, I saw that clue and was highly-gratified. And I’m glad you enjoyed the Trashies. Knock ’em dead in Montreal. And see you tres soon.
My votes
Female Hair – Sharon Stone – Casino
Best WW2 – Midway
Worst foreign accent – Richard Gere – The Jackal
Too old for the role – Every supposed high school student in every movie made from 1970-1984, but especially Annette Charles – Cha Cha DiGregorio in Grease (she had to be close to 40)
Worst Movie Soap Opera – The English Patient
Movies that made me laugh – Bad Santa
Okay, Big K! Yes to Sharon Stone’s hair in Casino. The fall she wore was outstanding. Yes to Bad Santa. That fat kid interacting with surly, drunken Billy Bob killed me, and nice call on Cha Cha. Grease deserves a special mention because EVERYBODY was too old for the role. Thanks for these additions. Wish I was there.
Bad hair-male Gary Oldman – The Fifth Element. female- Angelina Jolie – Gone in 60 Seconds
Too old for the part – Barbra Streisand -Yentel.
WWII movie – 1941, great cast, great director trashy movie
Soap opera movie – Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
Yes yes and how about “Too Young For The Role:” Babs in “Hello, Dolly” and Keira Knightley in “Anna Karenina.” Thanks for playing, Mitch. I knew you’d have some swell picks. Loved that crazy “Fifth Element,” btw.
Dear Ellen:
When we first met, you were a significant and brilliant contestant in all the important Movie Trivia Contests in the land. And so, this significant and brilliant, BUT TRASHY column caught my attention and would have had the same effect on hxa.
Because you will always remember all of today’s blog- and all those same things that I don’t have to remember.
Joan
Thanks, Joan. You’re right! My mind is cluttered with this stuff. I am just like Rainman. Yesterday, I had a hot fudge sundae and I realized that the last one I had was in Denver at the Cold Stone Creamery- in 2003. Sadly, this is an affliction I can not seem to help. You remember the important stuff. I’ll handle the rest. Love you.
“Imitation” looks great, but I wholeheartedly support your Trashies and think you should really go for it. I would like to add a nominee to Worst Accent: Ryan O’Neal in “Barry Lyndon”. Rich Irish brogues and London drawls were all around him but he just sounded like the young father in a bad sitcom. He was so awful, in every way, that I was finally forced to conclude that Kubrick intended him to be awful, to stand out, like one of those photographs where everything is in greyscale except the apple, or turkey, in the center, a man set apart, out of place and time, under the microscope. Or else maybe Stanley was just having a bad day.
You’re right, John. Way too contemporary for a period piece. But as to what Kubrick was thinking, who knows. But I will always be grateful to him for 2001 and Lolita.
Only one dissent. The Longest Day. Having just spent the day in Normandy, Omaha Beach and the American cemetery, nothing else comes close to telling it how it was.
No dissent. A good addition. Thanks X-1. (And I want a good discount at Rev Burger. Not that 20% you gave to everyone.)
Name your price.
Hmmm. I’ll think it over and let you know.
Ellen – Julie Christie has always been someone for whom I have lusted….especially in Shampoo, which was unquestionably hair oriented! That’s where my vote goes…fun blog!
You are SO right to name-check Shampoo. She never was more gorgeous. Ditto her hair. Thanks, Gar.