Bad Manners

Recently, Dear Readers, my eye happen to land on this “Miss Manners” column in the Tribune.

Bravo, Miss Manners!  I couldn’t have said it better myself.

But her answer struck a fifty year old nerve just the same.

I realize that many of you have been blessed in the in-law department but today I want to showcase “The Mother-in-law from Hell.”

Just as a public service.

This woman taught me everything I know about being dreadful.  And I owe her a big debt of gratitude.

She was my roadmap on how NOT to be a mother-in-law.

Bossy, possessive, demanding, she ran the show from the minute my boyfriend and I announced our intentions to wed.

She took the bit in her teeth and never let up.

For example:

1. 1. She picked out my engagement ring (She knew the jeweler blah blah blah.  She also knew what shape I wanted, I guess. I had zero input in this choice.)
   2. She picked all the china, silver and crystal for my bridal registry.  (She thought I was way too young and too inexperienced to know what was good crystal or not.  Hence her choices.)
   3. She picked the wedding date.
   4. She picked the wedding band.
   5. She picked the venue.
   6. She put my wedding announcement in the papers.  (Incorrectly, I might add.)

Early on in the engagement, she also announced that as she had three sons and no daughters, I was to be her daughter– not her daughter-in-law. Henceforth, she decreed, I was to call her “Mother.”

At nineteen, I was too young to argue with her.  And too uncomfortable to call her “Mother.”  MY mother was “Mom.”  So all this fiat meant was that I called her by no name at all and would address my husband’s parents from then on as “You.”

I know all this stuff must sound petty and trivial after almost fifty years, but I can assure you that I have never forgotten the high-handed and bullying way she treated me.

Her rudeness and jealousy knew no bounds.  She would call our house and if I had the misfortune to answer the phone, she’d bark, “Is ___there?”

No “Hello, Ellen,” no nothing.

Just “Is ___there?”

And there were other ugly incidents.  Clashes and name-calling that all ended with a quick, sad trip to the divorce court.

As I said though, it was a good lesson.  I never want my daughter-in-law or son-in-law to think that I’m a jealous, interfering old biddy.  I think that I try very hard to give them the space and respect that I never received.

That’s the good news.

And the other good news?

I’m waaaay too old for another one.